ISFJ – Compassionate Steward
by John Uke Last update: March 4, 2024
ISFJs (also known as Defenders, Nurturers, Protectors, Supporters, Nurses, Helpers, Guardians, SEI, Dumas) are concrete detailed thinkers who pay particular attention to people and morality. They get others to perform better by seeing the best in them, while also being among the most innately loyal and dedicated of all the types themselves. When it comes to laws, customs, and social scenes, ISFJs have deep understandings and know how to fit into all of them.
One particular trait that stands out among many ISFJs is their impeccable memory. Upon hearing personally important information (often because it’s important to someone else), the ISFJ will file it away and pull it out at an appropriate time in the future. This is often illustrated by having a thoughtful, appropriate, well-prepared gift ready in advance of everybody’s birthdays.
ISFJs are quite literal because they avoid filling in gaps in information with their own opinions and ideas. This makes them good at detective work like genealogy (tracing ancestors). In terms of helping others, ISFJs will do what other people state they want, not what the ISFJ imagines they want.
Games ISFJs Like
Recommended Genres: Adventure, Casual, Party, Puzzle, RPG
Recommended Platforms: Wii, Mobile, Tabletop
Recommended Games: The Legend of Zelda series, To the Moon, Gone Home
- Love card games
- Prefer defending
- Dislike shooters
ISFJ’s love card games over twice as much as members of most other personality types, likely due to their enjoyment of being around live people, as well as the preference for traditional and popular mediums – the strongest of which, is cards.
Many more ISFJs prefer defending over attacking roles. This is a pattern generally true of _S_J types, but especially true with the ISFJ. It is likely due to their preference to protect what they have instead of trying to get what belongs to others. This can be seen in their personal humility and great care for the health of loved ones.
Why Be Friends With an ISFJ
1. They remember everything
ISFJs have unbelievable memories. Many can keep track of schedules and birthdays without ever referencing, or even writing down, notes. When hanging out with an ISFJ, they will often recount to you useful tidbits that you yourself forgot or didn’t think to record. This superpower translates to receiving thoughtful birthday gifts and compliments as well.
2. Caretaking
If you are sick, it is very likely the ISFJ will take notice and do something to cheer you up and make you feel better when you are otherwise at your worst. Going through a break-up? Lost your job? Your illegal pet monkey died? At time likes these it’s nice to be friends with an ISFJ.
3. Reliable
ISFJs don’t just have the capacity to remember things and follow-through, but they actually will because they hate upsetting people. Expect your ISFJ to be on-time and prepared for all of your activities.
4. Discover their mysteries
Everybody is weird, but because ISFJ’s are introverted and socially appropriate, their weirdness will come out more over time. This enables a hugely enjoyable continuous unfolding of surprises that will keep the relationship fresh.
How to Make Friends With an ISFJ
1. Ask how they feel
In the ISFJ’s constant quest to make everybody around them happy, they often forget to check in with their own emotional state. It’s important for well-being to do so, and they will, if they know checking in with themselves will make you happy 😉
2. Don’t ask too much
Because of the ISFJ’s propensity to put others first, they will see particular value in friends who aren’t going to vampires of their time and energy.
3. Validate and encourage them
Most ISFJs are in extreme need of encouragement and positive feedback. Providing them with it will ensure deep bonds. Sometimes it may take some extra effort to get past their shyness, but it’s worth it.
4. Follow social etiquette
If you want to befriend an ISFJ you simply cannot deviate from the norm. Being polite, having impeccable manners, and acting in conformity with what is socially accepted will make you likable amongst ISFJs.
Advice for ISFJs on Making Friends
1. Overcome prior biases
Your type utilizes past experiences to make present judgments more than other types. This can sometimes lead to writing off good people and experiences or letting in bad ones. Knowing this, make a conscious effort to take into consideration any facts of a present situation that don’t line up with prior models you may have.
2. Vent negative emotions
Displeasing people sucks, but for your own sake, and theirs, and especially in the long-term, it’s important to let the negative emotions out. If you don’t, they can manifest in avoidance, passive-aggressiveness, or an explosion later that can actually ruin a relationship.
3. Don’t criticize yourself
People are attracted to confidence. Often though, people of your type will shoulder the blame themselves, even when things aren’t their fault. This can lead to a lot of unnecessary negative self-talk. This is the opposite advice most people should be hearing, but do a favor to yourself and consider how your problems might be other people’s faults. And don’t forget to confront people about problems too!
4. Say no
You may find yourself in situations where people are asking much more of you than you of them. It’s ok to say no. People will respect you for this. If you don’t establish this boundary healthy people will lose interest and unhealthy ones will use you.
Famous ISFJs
- Jon Snow
- Tiger Woods
- Selena Gomez
- Jessica Simpson
- Sansa Stark
- Halle Berry
- Bruce Willis
- Elijah Wood
- Mother Teresa
- Queen Elizabeth II
- Agatha Christie
What’s next?
Now that you know everything about this type, try making friends with one, or arrange a game using our app. GameTree is 100% free and available both on the App Store and Google Play.